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Filing. Sucks. (but is strangely rewarding) OMIGOSHOMIGOSHOMIGOSH!!!!11!!oneone!!!!eleven!!111! I just spent the whole day filing. Filing, and filing, and filing. It was not without distress, and it was not without much difficulty. But I finally got it done and now I have a conducive environment to start studying! Just in case some here don't understand the magnitude of the task, or the height of the mountain of notes JC gives, here's some trivia. All my math notes took me 2 files, and 1 of them is bursting. Physics (h1) was kind enough to fit into a single file, with ample room. Econs was tough, but I managed a system where 3 files had enough room. GP is still a work in progress, because I think filing GP notes has a significance equivalent to an ant being squashed (assuming the ant isn't the only ant carrying the only cube of sugar to sustain the only queen ant, and that if squished the only ant dies, leaving the only queen ant to not obtain the only sugar cube, causing the only queen ant to die and not be able to reproduce, hence destroying the only ant colony in the world and thus causing the extinction of ants. In this case... well it still wouldn't be that much of a big deal.). Chemistry took me 4 files. F-O-U-R. Eff, Owe, You, Arr. Files. And even then, 3 of them are bursting at the seams, threatening to engulf my once messy room with notes, like slag from an oceanic volcano, and then solidify as the notes cool, like the slag, forming new land masses and thus altering the shape of my room almost permanently. At least I'm finally done. And now I can easily access my notes when I study (not if, becuase I AM going to study. AM I TELL YOU! AMMMMMMMmmmm.....~), rather than roaming around a river of paper, and possibly getting cut by paper 200 times on the same spot (knowing my luck). Tomorrow, I'm starting studying a proper. Gonna clock in at least 6 hours. Daunting task, I know. But I'll manage. After all, who's the one-man show crew for ACSian Theatre? I've been through worse, believe me. Speaking of worse, no wait, I mean.... Speaking of ACSian Theatre, I am looking forward to comm elections, so that I know who's gonna be the one to (*ahem*-be-the-next-in-line-to-take-over-all-my-shit-without-being-aware-of-the-drastic-distress-caused-and-happily-believing-the-job-is-easy-because-I-make-it-seem-so-*ahem*) take over my responsibility and help ACSian Theatre soar to new heights. Wow for some reason that sentence took a lot out of my breath. By the way, can someone teach me how to do that cancel out your words font thing-a-magijjy? I can foresee future use of such a tool, particularly in the representation of my sarcasm over the net, a conversational tool whose effects few can identify over a monotone medium such as the Internet (others mediums include phone text messages). But the other thing I can't really believe is that I've made it through the day with a recurring migraine, a temperamental running/blocked nose (the weird combination of being runny and blocked is what makes it temperamental), groggy eyes, constant sneezing, dust-covered hands (yes my notes are that ancient), and a general uncomfortable feeling. I guess the thought of carrying on just helped me ignore all that. The thought of a better tomorrow and all that? It's not crap. It really helps. Especially after you spend 4 days alone. Everything seems so much more precious. But I digress. My original point was to show-off my apparently non-extinct organizational skills, and now here I am talking about topics somewhat more philosophical in nature. I guess a wandering mind makes you unaware of the route of conversation (in this case, expression) you take. .. .. .. Mmm.. I'm hungry. 2258, 31-5-10 I won't do well, but I won't fail. That's what I'm telling myself when I think about the past three days, and the exams I've just sat for. And I think it's what's on the minds of a great number of people that I know. Thing is, I could've done better. Thing is, I could've been telling myself, "Man. That was way easy, I could've done it with a flu, a headache, a pen running out of ink, as well as with a lack of air-conditioning and a amazingly noisy construction site." If, only. I hate those words. I'd like to believe that without those words, I'd never have to worry about making a wrong decision, since I wouldn't know if there were are other paths I could take. For example, if I gained weight, "If only I didn't have that rich, delicious chocolate cake last night." This means I could have avoided having that rich, delicious chocolate cake - that tasted like all the angels had specially minimized themselves so they could dance on my tongue, tingle my taste buds and sprinkle a mildly pleasant combination of fairy and angel dust to make me feel like the cake was truly magical - last night. And here's where if gets complicated. If only the words if and only didn't exist, I wouldn't have made up such a lame analogy. Philosophical (or stupidly nonsensical) thoughts aside, it's time to move on to topics of greater concern. It's now the start of the June break (not yesterday, no, because I spent the last day of school IN school for about 16 hours) so I'm hoping to relax a short while. Then while I'm still in the June break, I'm going to do something I have never done in any break before - work. Schoolwork, that is. Yeap, I'm having the crazy ambition of hitting my books and getting some studying done so that I will have no excuse to helplessly fail my arms when they get weak and wobbly from all the writing I would have to do in term 3 if I didn't study during June. But after thinking of this, I realise that if only the June break were longer, I would be able to catch up more. Same way if only the June break were longer, I would be able to relax more. If only. Bah, now I have a choice. -1352, 28-5-10 What the hell am I saying? Half my mind is in the pits, the other half is trying to figure out a way to walk on water. I didn't mean to make you sad or angry. I just wanted to say what I felt, or what I thought I felt. I guess I was being selfish. Ironic, I know. I was just afraid that I wouldn't treasure you as much. Something about absence and fondness I remember... But I... Well... I have no excuse for the things I said, or the time I said it. I thought letting it out would help, but now I feel like shit. I'm pretty sure I made you feel bad too. My lack of sensitivity is appalling. So now, where do I stand? I just wanted to request that you don't measure my love in the things I do for you, or the time I spend with you. I still love you infinitely. I'm sorry. -0638 There is much reason to smile. And be happy. To laugh with sincere joy and for hearts to beat fast and flutter. There is much reason for heads on shoulders, for hands in hands. Its not like there was reason for these things not to occur, just more of a reason to hold back a little. And there is much reason to realize, that it was worth the wait. -1854, 20-5-10 There is little reason to smile. And more than enough reason to want to wipe the creases of your forehead. -2228, 17-5-10 I'm sick. But I'm helping. Helping to destress. To share the workload. And if leads to you being happy. Then I'm perfectly healthy. -1544, 13-5-10 It's almost over. What I mean to say, is that in any journey, there is a certain point, a thin line, if you will, that once crossed can never be threaded over again. A milestone, yes, that's the word. Once you pass this milestone, this particular position measured by time and experience, you find yourself staring at the fork between two new, laid out paths. The first path is the one where you call it quits. Where you are either tired of the journey, weary of the steps that you have painstakingly taken, or feel that it is too much to handle, and that any additional burden will crush you right there and then. There is also the possibility that you feel bored of the journey and wish to pursue a different journey, one more challenging and exciting. You head instead for that path and leave the milestone as it is - undeveloped, untouched. Neglected. The second path is the one where you turn your head, look at everything behind you, and remember all the good times, all the bad times, and just every other second of this journey, all the experienced emotions, all the thoughts and actions. All the memories. And you smile when you think of how you made it through it all. And you smile because you enjoyed every step of the way. And sometimes, you just smile, for no reason other than having been through such a magnificent trek. You are willing to continue the journey, and you are willing to keep working at it, putting in the effort. You take the next step forward with a light heart, and wonder at what the future brings. Me? I'm taking the next step. Definitely. To the future; to you and me. Happy one month. -0000, 11-5-10 I've always thought I was more mature than my peers. If I could put myself at an age based on maturity, I'd grow up at least 5 years, I bet. But I guess I've been proven wrong. On so many occasions, in many different ways. I realised I'm just still just a little, awkward boy, easily embarrassed and very shy. I lack the will and the drive to do a great many things, which is why sometimes I look like I'm just staring blankly into space. It's coz I'm imagining. It's something I do quite well. I hold grudges for lengthy periods of time, and rarely ever forgive and forget. But with you. I guess I'm opening up. I'd never thought I could be changed by anyone. I guess, You're the exception. The only exception. They said that one of the greatest feelings in the world is when you kiss her hand, and put it on your heart. -1556, 7-5-10 Sick. Sweaty. Tired. Smiling. Thinking. Talking. Missing. Yours. -2154, 5-5-10 I honestly don't know how I feel about those statements. I mean, given the circumstances, I was trying to seem polite and solemn. Are you telling that that is not how you act is such cases, that instead I should have loosened up and acted random, seeming disrespectful at an occasion dedicated to someone I'd never met before? I honestly have no idea. But don't think for a moment that I didn't get slightly annoyed. They may be more important, but a cynical judgement is still cynical. Then again, perhaps I am just venting because they may be right. And I know it too, but I just don't want to lose. I just want to remain in the right, because that's how I am. Defensive, and in that sense, paranoid. It really just peeved me off. It's not the first time, but the impact never diminishes. And then when I hear those words pop up, and I think to myself, that if it had happened to other people, why couldn't it happen to me? I mean, it just isn't logical. I could explain, but I won't. That statement wasn't logical, either, simply because there was no reason for such a statement to be made. Yet there was, admittedly, reason for the statements they made. I just feel like it was way too far behind my back. Right now I just need to vent. My room is amazingly hot, even with the fan blowing directly at me, I am still sweating. My dog is being annoying, barking in its high pitched tone. My room door is closed, because I don't want company. My palms are warm from resting on the keyboard, which has been growing hotter because of poor ventilation in the design of my laptop. My mind is half-awake, and the other half probably dead. My throat feels dry, even though I've already had a crazy amount of water entering my system throughout the course of the day. My neck aches, with a reason completely unbeknownst to me. My brain racks itself with more things for me to be unhappy about. My eyes are looking through this list once more. My nose inhales, then exhales. I take everything in the list above, metaphorically, and put them all into a metaphorical red ball-like capsule, which, defying the nature of science, is completely hard, has a solid, fixed shape, and yet is malleable and manipulatable into different shapes. I put everything in through a cap at the top, and seal it up again. I inhale, and exhale. I inhale, and the inhale, and the capsule grows bigger. It is the focus now of my mind's eye. I exhale, and it decreases in size. I inhale sharply, and watch it grow exponentially. I hold my breath, and crush the capsule, squeeze it and force it until it becomes 10 times smaller. I exhale, long and slow, and watch it become smaller, so small till it disappears. Now the only thing annoying me is the heat, which I can never make go away. I'm sorry if I 'bullied' you, or at times said stupid things. Sometimes I just don't think through my words, or my actions. I'm selfish that way. Sometimes. There's no excuse; it hasn't been hell on me, I'm not pissed, there's no massive alien invasion happening tomorrow and I'm the only one who can stop it. There's no excuse, and that's just it. I'm like that. Today, I have no pretty words. All I have is honesty and a metaphorical stress ball, that only metaphorically works. It actually doesn't. -1820, 2-5-10 |