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Disclaimer I haven't been studying, like I thought I would be, like I know I should be, like I realised I can't. Instead I'm in front of this filthy florescent screen with a splitting headache from far too many loud noises, hyperactive sweat glands making me feel sticky half an hour after bathing, and a mind that's filled with boredom, temptation and fatigue. Yes, I've been gaming the whole days the past few days. So good night, and good luck. -2216, 27-09-09 So today became rather uneventful. Of course, I don't really open my eyes much to anything anymore. A quick recap of the days makes me realise that I... 1. Woke up in the morning and went to school. 2. Stayed in school, had some laughs, had some pissed off moments, had some sleepy moments, had some more laughs. 3. Took a bus home with a fellow friendly classmate (I suck at having conversations with because I simply do not know about 90% of the people's names you spill out, sorry!) 4. Tuition. 5. Dinner. 6. Here now. Feeling rather neutral, and definitely warm. So much for the gusty winds the weather predicted today. But perhaps, it's because, just like my mind in its current state, my windows are closed. But it's the 300th post. So I call for tradition yet again. Yet I notice how quickly I have reached the 300th post, compared to the previous 100 and 200 posts ago posts. It took about two years to get the to 100th, a year to the 200th, and then barely 4 months to the 3ooth. I fear and fret, for at this rate, I'll be reaching the 400th post ins about 1.5 months, the 500th in half a month after, the 600th in 6 days, the 700th in 2 days, and then the 800th in 1 day, and soon i'll be going at roguhly a hundred posts a half-second. Which means I'll be having no life! Although I'm guessing that 's nearly impossible, unless I sign up for a 100 twitter accounts, then link them all to my blog and type 1 character at the same time for all of them and hit enter every second. Is that possible? I have no idea. Oh well. So let us celebrate the 300th post with a dedication to tradition, the cryptic fluidity and undecipherable style I have come to know and love, but with a twist. I'll actually tell you what it means this time. But it's hard to tell somewhat what something means, when the only thing it means is that I'll tell you that there is no meaning to something that seems to have meaning because of circular logic and strange language. So there you go. I just answered your question by not asking mine. Happy 300th, and now... We return to your regular scheduled programme. -2121, 20/09/2009 Therefore, as proper students do at around this time of year, I shall: 1. Mention the upcoming promotional exams. 2. Quote myself about the lack or preparation. 3. Start fretting. 4. Think about killing myself. 5. Dispose of the idea in the imaginary trash can that is my mind. 6. Think about studying. 7. Blog instead. 8. Resolve to stsart studying. 9. Add in the word, 'tomorrow' to point 8. 10. Sign off. Therefore, to make the above points flow in a coherent manner, I shall type with wit, description and fluent language. Oh don't worry, I'll label the points as they make their respective appearances throughout the passage. Time to be Proper So my promotional exams are coming soon, in approximately 21 days, or an estimated 3 weeks. (1) I am, not unexpectedly, unprepared. After all, my main activity the past few days, and throughout the whole of last week (which were my September Holidays, mind you!) my main activity was to plop my sorry self in front of the computer and game, facebook, youtube and fmylife the day away. (2) I haven't done proper revision yet, any proper studying, and still have homework from the June holidays overdue! How am I ever going to pass my promos and get, well... promoted!? It's not like I can just magically hold all the knowledge from the past 8 months and use in as I sit in the giant hall with the rest of the 600 odd candidates, right? Ugh. It really is qutie scary, the timeframe, the deadlines. (3) Wouldn't be so easy to just get away from it? Sleep forever and forget the stress. Bring myself to the heavenly bodies above our heads and leave it all behind... (4) Nah. (5) I should get started. Like, really. Open my books and notes, change the batteries in my graphic calculator, and crank my brain's knobs to the study channel. Pick up the pens and put them to paper, then pick up the paper and study. Mug. Revise. Whatever. (6) Yet instead I am posting my thoughts on the net. (7) I'm going to start revision. After all, JC is all about consisten effort, and continuous studying. And I so need to catch up if I want to get to where I'm supposed to be. So I shall start. Start hitting the books, abusing them violently till my mind is filled with the appropriate formulae, the absolute facts, the analytical answers...(8) Tomorrow! (9) -2242, 15-9-09 (10) [chee-kean soooooooooooooooooop] noun -1. Warm, flavoured water with an amount of chicken inside, usually served for meals. Scalds tongue if swallowed too quickly. Also, apart from chicken, may include other ingredients not limited to salt, pepper and garden vegetables. -2. A potpourri of creative passages, proses and poems by authors from around the world, illustrious or not, pertaining to imaginative ideas, real life experiences and with the intention of telling those in trouble, those feeling down, those feeling like life isn't worth it, that life is worth it, and that in any troubles, we are not alone. Also, apart from stories and poetry, may include other forms of creativity expressed in means not limited to photography and captioned drawings. Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul II A delightful read that some may choose to finish in a sitting. However, if one lacks the time, one may simply take the book bit by bit, reading through the different stories from the different segments at a time, without neceesarily being in order, as some portions of the book may prove only entertaining, and not meaningful, at the point in time. I've found a lot of good quotes from this book. A lot of new perspectives, and different ways to compare different things. Take for example, how best friends are so different, yet are part of a set, for oh 'how can there be pepper without salt; the sun without the moon?' Or perhaps, how hope can be found despite the proclamation by the best doctors that there is none, simply becuase doctors may be able to put metal in our bodies, and sew us back up, yet none of them can even create a blade of grass. Or how a family is not a group of people related by blood, but a group experience of love. Or how it is the misfits who are shunned at youth, yet grow up to be the ones who bring the difference to the world because they are unique. Or how perfection is sought, when everyone is already perfect. Or how the many other different sentences and meaningful teachings changed the lives of many different people during their youths. It is really an amazing book to have hold in your hands. -2116, 13-9-09 I've been going through the archives again, after reading a short snippet from a single story in a book that referred to photos as memories. I realised then I wanted to remember what life was like in my Secondary years. Apparently, it was all melacholy and I see so clearly now why people think I fit the emo, tormented soulful writer so perfectly. I still deny I'm emo. But I don't deny that people are quick to fit me to the forementioned bill, because in all honesty, I was asking for it. In my defense, however, someone once mentioned that there is a very large difference between 'being depressed, and being a little less than happy' and I'm taking her word for it. So a depressed, tormented, joyless poet, craving attention from his peers. It doesn't help that right now, I am dressed fully in black. It does help, though, that I am blogging like this, instead of how I used to. You don't need an example, do you? Just refer to the archives, anytime from around May 07 to July 09. Right now, I'm not emo, nor depressed. Just a little less than happy. Dear Mr. Procrastination, I would ask how you are, or what you've been up to, but I already know. Yet, do correct me if I am wrong. The past few days you have been biting my backside, making me irresponsible, lazy and perhaps less than a decent human being. Am I not wrong? After all, I go through day to day in a daze, thinking only about the next time I am going out with friends to catch a movie, blast out zombie's brains, or knock coloured balls into holes. And while I think about those things, I am on the computer, flipping through Chrome's tabs, that are of webcomics, blogs, facebook and YouTube. Again and again, I look at the same things, reading the same content and though I am bored to bits, you won't let me get off the computer and hit my notes. Instead you tell me to keep thinking, and when you do let me off the internet, I end up playing Left 4 Dead by myself (pathetic), or Sims 3, making new sims and then just deleting them. Everything I do is by your hand, and because of your hand, I am going to pay the consequences. I mean, I know I can manage. Hell, I can survive on 4 hours of studying per week if I wanted. Yet, I barely clock in half an hour because of your extensive demands. Remember, this morning, Mr. Procrastination? I finally found some time to do some chemistry, an simple worksheet that required 10 minutes of my time to finish. What happened next? You ordered me to slave away at the computer again for 10 hours. How is this fair? Mr. Procrastination, I need to take a break from you. You have been a kind boss, I will admit. You take care of me and ensure that my interests are always put first, and you make sure that whatever I am forced to do by your hand quenches my interest. But you fail to realise! Oh when the thirst is quenched, it goes, then returns moments later in much greater magnitude. It becomes unbearable. Meanwhile, I am fully aware of the rotting of my brain, and the effects I will have to bear in time to come. So, Mr. Procrastination, I regret to inform you that I have to quit. I will quit this job, and pursue my true self-interests for the time being. Perhaps I will return in December. Perhaps not. Only time can tell, Mr. Procrastination. Yours, Lin Kaiyang - 2139, 9-9-09 Today I woke up at 7 am. Well, earlier, but I went back to sleep. Anyhow, I was off to school for Inventio, the showcase of the group skills of the J1 DEP students. It was a scary task, since I only had 3 people for a job for 6 (including myself), out of which 1 turned up sick. Thankfully though, we had alumni, and we had help. We ended up with a force of five by the time the show started, just enough to get things done. The main show started off on a serious note with the piece Begging For Fortune (affectionately known as BFF), discussing the issues of Chinese women throughout the country's vast history. It then proceeded to a novel retold, the Wizard of Oz, combining dynamic movement and dance scenes with a touch of contemporary style, making the audience cheer each time a character started to dance. The final piece, however, Slice of Heaven, was arguably the piece that gave the audience a night to remember. Throughout the whole length, the audience was kept laughing with witty remarks, humorous actions, effective over-dramatic acting and a touch of realism to boot. But the big question remains. After having been in an air-con room for clos to 7 out of 13 hours, and despite having been under the constant stream of a fan for the past hour, why is my shirt still wet? -2350, 8-9-09 The ability to bend reality through the space-time continium has always been one that many have fantasized about, thinking of all the good they could do, or all the bad misdeeds that can be carried out, with such power at their disposal. Then what happens when it cannot be controlled, and that no matter how you look at it, the course of history cannot be changed? Apparently, a great movie. A movie that touches with romance, forces empathy with its characters, who can potray their feelings towards supernatural events as we do to normal ones in reality, and for some reason seems so believable. -2338, 6-9-09 Today my Left 4 Dead program died. I can't use it on the c omputer anymore, which is really quite saddening. After all, it is the activity for which roughly 25% of my time goes to. So right now, it keeps closing whenever I open it, saying that there is a problem, which I can somehow predict has something to do with my graphics card. The starnge thing is, there was never this problem before, and my graphics card is still in pretty neat condition, so I have no idea why "L4d.exe has stopped working", and am pretty pissed with having to wait for "microsoft to find a solution". I just want to play. I can't play online anymore, so it seems now I can only go the LAN gaming centres to have a hand at blasting zombies, or find a way to fix this problem right now. Perhaps I should have seen it coming. After all, the version I have isn't what somebody would call original. Perhaps I just need to reinstall and re-update, re-patch, and re-customize everything. Which would be a pain. A very big pain. Till then, the zombie apocalypse in Pensylvannia grows by the minute, and I don't get to be part of the special ones sticking out tongues, unleashing loads of vomit or lunging through the air, laughing as I see the magical number of 25 appear upon impact with my victims. -1445, 6-9-09 So right now I'm making Teacher's Day cards on behalf of the class. It would've been nice to be given a few days notice, but no, I get it thrust unto me to be completed by tomorrow. So with little time, I can produce more than just substandard work. All it takes is a little thinking. But it's still far from perfect. Far from good, even. All there is are a few witty lines filled with sattire found only in classroom situations. And how cool is it that out of 8 pieces, my printer managed to screw up 4 cards? I need to make 5! Oh joy. Thankfully, one of the teacher's I'm making them for takes us for two subjects, so now I just need to think up of about 10 more witty lines (goodbye sleep tonight!) and I'm good to go. Herein, then, lies the problem of writing out the witty lines. See at first I was going to do ransom note-like font. My sis said it would be a pain. It didn't take very long for me to see why. So am I just going to write it out now? It would be a real pain, since 1) I have no marker 2) I tend to write things wrongly 3) I cancel out the things I write wrongly. Hey, live and try? I don't know. All I know is that they need to be done, and I'm just here thinking how. EDIT: FUCK THE LAST PIECE OF PAPER JUST GOT RUINED. -2245, 2-9-09 I've looked through my archives. Since I was in Secondary two/three, I have changed a lot. I used to blog, and leave hidden messages, if you will, or at the very least something that a person would have to read through a little, think about, then understand it. Now, I just leave nearly undecipherable messages that few get. It's strange to see how the gamer lingo I've come to know and love like the back of my hand (I love the back of my hand like no other, and even more so than the grip of my hand) has left my writing. How my vocabulary has expanded drastically. But also how, most importantly, my logic is so circular and meaningless now. I hardly know what I'm typing half the time. I don't give explanations, elaborations, or even clues as to the thoughts running around freely in my head as I do type out each sentence after the next. But then again, back then, I only had to problem of boredom to contend with. And in today's new age, I have to deal with boredem, a slice of self-pity, a bowl full of responsibilities, a tiresome one-way romance, and a hell lot of unused brain power. It's no wonder my clarity of thought is as clouded as it is. Yet, this should be an outlet for my frustrations, should it not? So why am I still hiding behind the anonymity this blog presents, when this blog is already anonymous? No, let me rephrase. Why am I making no sense, seeming to be annoyingly profound with meaningless, nonsensical phrases, musings and aphorisms, when this blog already provides me with outlets of anonymity that protects my self-interests and ensure I don't get into more trouble? I think the answer lies further in my head, deep down where my dreams are made. I have been having very strange dreams over the past few months. So for now, I think I'll have to dream up an answer. p.s: holy wall of text. 1211, 1-9-09 |