So.
I have school tomorrow.
I am randomly typing words into YouTube's search box to find songs that I might enjoy listening to, just for the sake of doing so.
I need to buy paint and other related materials.
I am not trying hard enough, although refusing to do so would mean my downfall, along with the unvoluntary downfall of everyone else in this club.
I am with a heart acting as a potpourri of emotions as the new cooks keep spoiling me.
I am annoyed by this song that keeps playing and stopping since it can't load fast enough.
I am thinking about myself.
I am thinking about the past five years.
I am thinking about the chances I threw.
I am thinking about the chances I'll have.
I am thinking.
P.S. Either I start mugging, or make everyone stop.
-2332 31-8-09
Time to make this more a blog, and less of a random collection of aphorisms, sayings, and circular, secular logic.
But as my favourite goes,
"starting tomorrow"
-2159, 27-8-09
Just a minute to midnight.
-2359, 26-8-09
Why did I run for that position?
Leadership isn't for me.
But now, without me, all our productions will fall to bits and pieces. Unglamorous bits and pieces.
So I have so much weight on my shoulders, with no strength to act on it.
I am so screwed.
-1629, 22-8-09
Up.
-2347, 21-8-09
Until tomorrow's yesterday presents itself as a gift.
I'll remain skeptical.
Because how will time help me
When all I do is wait?
-2249, 20-8-09
I miss you.
-2228, 19-8-09
So I've been getting lots of questions about this sign. Most people are asking me, "What sign is that? Is it like, your cult?" To which I solemnly reply "No. It's not a cult. It's a sign I designed that I thought looked quite interesting. And you find it interesting too, or eye-catching to say the least, since you've brought it up."No, I'm not part of a satanic, anti-christianity cult, though discrimination shows how people think cults oppose the Christian religion, and not other religions. But no, I'm not part of a cult, end of story.
And hence the start of this new story.
Back when I was in my early secondary school days (sec 1 and 2), it was not uncommon for people to adopt aliases online. I was no exception. And seeing how the average Singaporean guy is very much into gaming, be it console, online or whatnot, my 'hero' at the time was a character called zero. He had a saber, a plasma gun referred to as a buster, and deadly aim and power. So xx_zero it was, where xx is basically anything that corresponds to the situation.
Anyway, one day I got terribly bored, and opened up paint. And then I drew a Z, continued with an O and finished off with a vertical line to make a crosshair. Unsatisfied with the black image, I cut and copied, inversed colours, added a little blue, and viola.
So I am not part of a cult, simply a person who decided to use an eye-catching sign after having designed it at age 13.
-2110, 18-8-09
Because speaking hearts out about the truth gets you so many places with no resistance.
What happened to Ghandi?
What happened to Martin Luther King?
What happened to Tibet?
No. It's a fight, a struggle.
And though I'm not fighting for the same reasons these people did, though I am not any humanitarian whose views are unaccepted, though I am not staring down the loaded barrel of a semi-automatic rifle, you can't say this is hardly a challenge.
Because speaking my heart about the truth will get me where I want to be.
What will happen to me?
-2125, 17-8-09
My problems aren't the worse.
-1800 17-8-09
And the liquid comes rushing through the valley from the right, warming the soul as it passes through structured tubes and out the left. The crimson red is not a sign of a bloodbath, but rather one of warmth, here to remove the cold lingering throughout the valley as the winter fades and spring embraced. The sunlight shines brightly from above and the birds melodious shrieks supply an ironic harmony that leaves one satisfied yet with a lot more to be desired. Perhaps the strangest of all is the new feeling that fills the land, that cannot be stopped. The eerie signal that hibernation is over, that the land is awake, that the activities must be continued, and that no matter how much greener the grass is over the hill, there is a lot to be done if the spring should never end, or if the winter is rushing back in full force.
-2213, 13-8-09
It is undisputable that I felt like I did well for the mock exam today.
What is debatable is wether I actually did well or not.
After all, the uncertainty still exists, regardless of the smile on my face.
But perhaps all I am smiling about is the possible gain of a waffle.
In which case, if that happens, then I really shouldn't be smiling at all.
In which case, if that happens, then I really shouldn't be smiling at all.
Then again, it does show who honors promises, and that would mean something to me.
To me, the person who glorifies anonymity and circular logic.
And Oh why am I missing Lady Gaga tonight.
-2113, 12-8-09
I guess I have nothing left to hide.
Unless I hide it better.
Kudos to readers, you're going to have to read harder between the lines.
Because previously, I made no sense half the time.
Don't expect me to make any more sense at all.
Don't worry, I'm fine.
I just want to see intellectualism taken to a new level
And if those left behind mock me with emo.
-2229, 11-8-09
We gaze up at the stars in the sky
And down at the bright lights below.
We decide that though solitude and serenity await us above
And underneath us only await chaos and corruption,
We would much rather be grounded
Than trying to fly, and falling down below.
Take your time.
I'm the only one waiting.
Again.
-11.53 p.m, 8-8-09
I am a walking contradiction.
Soul filled with frills.
And heart hard.
Minding my minds thoughts though
These ideas I dearly hold
In my brain, my bane
And loving love, feeling feelings pour power
Through vine-like veins
And I realise, andrenaline
Is coarsely coursing
Through my bloody body.
-2108 6-8-09
What is debt, but a promise to fufill?
Or a promise broken and the repercussions felt?
Again I slump
Into this chair
And think about the pile of work I will be lost in
If I don't get up
But for some reason
Though I fear failure
I cannot get up
My mind minds my mood
But my eyes won't look away
And remain fixed on fluorescent
And I am browsing slowly through the same windows
Without shopping, I spend my energy
And at the end of it all
I hardly feel renewed.