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Deletion Of one of my most prized possesions ever to be one my computer. Nobody deserves a stalker. I was heartbroken as the green bar went across the screen. But I couldn't let a single sign of sadness out. I've grown in an extremely unusual way. I can't do feel anything at the biggest of occasions. A death, parting of strong friendships, relationships, anything big. Yet I can find the smallest moments worse than anything I could ever face in this world. This intrigues me; I don't know everything about myself yet. I don't know why it's like this. Like a vital programme was removed, and without it everything is faulty. I feel so......wrong. I don't feel human at all...... My parents, and my sister, are out of the country, in Hong Kong. Almost everyone I told has asked me "Why didn't you go with them?". Simple. 1) I have been there before. 2) My current school activities do not allow me the luxury. 3) I simply don't want to go. Again, the removal of something important, to make me feel like this. And now I want to delete everything, and start afresh. It's going to be hard, but I can try. I'm a person meant to endure. So endure this. Kai posted at 11.24 p.m, 28-11-06 Because the air-conditioning is on right now. Haha. No seriously. I rarely feel cold with the air-conditioning on, even if it's at 18 degrees or something. And now it's at, what, twenty. Yes 2 degrees makes a big difference. Even if 2 is such a small number. Today I had guitar class (finally! Self-teaching HAS it's limits). And I guess self-teaching doesn't bring you into detail, like what your fingers are called, how to pick a string, how to play a note. And speaking of notes. I only taught myself chords, so I guess I'm relatively new to this. Eh. The class is sooo quiet too. Like the north pole or something. Where all the penguins are. Or was that the south pole? I forgot. And my main problem now : boredom. Yes, nothing new, just the same problem. How boring. How boring that my problem is always boredom. So what now? Sit here and shake off that chilling feeling of knowing that there's nothing ahead of you? That nobody's going to slap you on the back and give you salvation from the tiring nothingness? If that's even allowed in the english language anyway? God I hope I don't murder the english language trying to say something here. That's just dumb. Kai posted at 7.59 p.m, 25-11-06 The past few days have been Scouts-based, ending tomorrow. I guess. 18/11/06 - Kayaking day 1 19/11/06 - Kayaking day 2 21/11/06 - Power effeciency(spelling?) course day 1 23/11/06(tomorrow) - Power training for advanced badge Being forced is not fun. Especially when you know you can't back out. It keeps pulling you in again and again, when you least expect it. Like SMS's or phone calls just 10 hours before the actual event. Something always out of the blue. It's just not fun. You just can't repell it. And speaking of repelling. Right now, a couple of attractions are getting weaker. They are starting to repel. Quite a few things acutally, but I will only cite one. And it is the activity I enjoy the most. Playing computer. I no longer find solace in the virtual world I live in everyday, the powerful character that I am inside. I want to feel weak at this point of time. And I'm pretty sure I will tomorrow (refer to above). Tomorrow my sister is getting her PSLE results back. And let me hope that I attract HER money, and she repells mine. Hehe. Yes I made a bet with her, and I'm not sure wether or not I will win... Kai posted at 11.01 p.m, 22-11-06 Today 9 Sec 2 scouts, yes including me, went to KLSSC (Kallang Sea Sports Club, I think, dunno what the 'L' stands for =S) for a 1-Star Kayaking course. And we were given a map to find our own way there, from Lavender MRT station. And we got lost. Which led to us being late. The course basically taught us the same old basics we already know from the previous 2 times (once in Sec 1 and most recently at ACE camp couple o' weeks back). But SOME of us still have trouble doing the capsize drill. X: "Oh help me! My legs are stuck in the canoe!" < Maybe if ya tried to take them out one at a time, instead of ramming your whole body out of the kayak? Hmm? And while (Scenario) a person is drowning, you don't help out, you just make things worse by not listening. Wow. Simply amazing. This person would follow everything you do, even when you cock up, and just cock up more. I wonder how he got into such a good class. Anyway, I got sunburnt. Now whenever I blink my face hurts. T.T. And to think tomorrow we have to do this again. Ugh...well I can't say it's too bad. But it isn't that good either. Well...... Kai posted at 11.17 p.m, 18-10-06 5 words/phrases explaining what's happening. 1) World of Warcraft. 2) No allowance during holidays. 3) Expansion next year. 4) Expensive. 5) *Cry* Ouch. Kai posted at 6.41 p.m, 16-11-06 Yep. Title says it all. I suppose. Tension between me and my brother has definitely cooled. And its strange. He's always the first to apologise. And I NEVER apologise. Yet somehow things always work out like this. I know I'm not always right, and I know he's not always wrong, so why does he make it seem like I'm always wrong when we fight, and completely the opposite a minimum of half a day later? Hmmm...... And I read the "LifeStyle" newspaper today. Well I always do on Sundays (3 pages of comics XD). I saw my horoscope (Sagittarius in case you wanna know) and it says "have problems in your social life..." or something along those lines anyway. That's bad =( . I have however come to know myself as a deprived little boy with almost next-to-none knowledge of where to go out with friends, so it doesn't really bother me I guess. Heh. Kai posted at 7.46 p.m, 12-11-06 And I know it. I got slapped(those kind of bitch slaps) twice, by a guy, just by stating the truth. Wow. It's amazing how that can happen between two BROTHERS. Ain't it? I know my brother, I know what he will do given the chance. And he knows it too. But he denies. Now I know you won't see this, but whatever. I don't care, just like you don't care. And in other news. My class posting is now disclosed to me. 336. (331,332,333,334,335,336,321,322,323,324,325,326). 8 subjects. I'm not disappointed, thought I was aiming for 331(Maths specialty class), but oh well, you can't get everything you want. Subject combination: English (Compulsory) Chinese (Compulsory) A-maths (Compulsory) E-maths (Compulsory) Pure Chemistry (Compulsory) Pure Physics (Compulsory) Pure Biology (Chosen) Elective History (Chosen)(Comes together with social studies) Socia Studies (Compulsory) That's it. Kai posted at 8.34 p.m, 10-10-06 'Coz I just can't think of a title. Now for the first time I'm going to actually describe what happened in a day, and not my thoughts and/or ideas over a period of time. Like what I have been previously doing, excluding the most recent post (before this). Ahh there I go again, talking about a whole big period of time. Alright this post is only for today. Which is kinda' boring. Bear with me. It'll be short. 7-12-06. Woke up at...7.30am. Dammit body system! Wakes me up at such early times. Read 'till around 8.30, then washed up and stuff. Had breakfast, a simple sandwich. Then started playing. And playing. During the afternoon my aunt came (to drop off my sister) and brought lunch with her. Thank you! Then watched a movie(VCD, of course). Not sure what it's called, coz my sister got it. After that watched another movie, "Just your luck" .Then had dinner, curry chicken, cooked by my Dad. S'ok I guess. And then......well, I posted this, didn't I? =S............ Kai posted at 9.16 p.m, 7-11-06 Since the last day(today) was actually fun, it(the camp) won't recieve as much flaming as it should. Day 1 - We arrive at camp after a looooonnnngggggg......g bus ride. The dreaded hornet drill was taught to us. First activity : rafting. My shirt......imagine black bleach on a white shirt. 'Coz of numerous hornet drills. Bad sleep. No space, due to 8 in a normally-meant-to-only-fit-four tent. Day 2 - PT(Physical training). The guy in charge of that was an evil sadist. And that is an understatement. Seriously. Jungle survival. Gotta make fire and shelter and get food and water. Well, we got water and a shelter. Fire and food......well we couldn't make a fire and food was just emberrassing, especially my part of the story. Had outdoor cooking, made fried rice. Wahahaha. Too bad my friends are more extro-verted, or whatever that word is, than me. They took control and screwed up the rice. Day 3 - Same thing in the morning. Sadistic PT. My classmate got choked by the guy in charge(let's refer to him as sadist), then kicked, just becuase he is serverely overweight and can't stay in push-up position. For over 20 mins long. It doesn't seem long. But believe me. It is. Everyone hates sadist now. That is for sure. Canoeing and absailing & pussyking(former is descending down buildings with gear, latter is ascending buildings with gear). We were the only group(out of 12) to have been able to get to an island for canoeing. Woot. During absailing & pussyking, it started raunung before I got my chance =( . 'Coz of rain. Thunderstorm. So instead we had stand-up comedy. It really made my day. Hilarious. My tent got flooded 'coz of the rain. Well, only one side. And on the side that wasn't flodder, everything was waterproof-ed, while the side that was flooded wasn't waterproof-ed. How ironic. Campfire!!! Wayyyy till late at night. Day 4 - Sadist has left!!!!!!! Another guy took us for PT today. He is really nice. Went trekking. I had a headache halfway up the hill ( its called Gunung Lampak) but still made it up! Really great view up there. Wow...... Left camp. And had a great busride =D . Lots of songs and stuff. Haha. During camp (which was in Malaysia), some random idiot took a knife and went round slashing tents, almost killing somebody. *Shivers* my tent wasn't slashed but...... They caused us sleep deprivation for the first day......and basically for the rest of the camp... *Yawn*... Kai posted at 11.20 p.m, 3-10-06 |