Plain Simplicity

2011-02-28T00:08:00.001-08:00

I guess I never should've believed you'd do anything you said you would.

At the beginning, it hurt when you disappeared.

And now, you can't even keep promises to a friend.

I won't stop being your friend.

But I won't ever trust you with anything so close to the hope that I give.

2011-02-08T16:20:00.001-08:00

OVER THERE >>>>>>>> TUBMLR

2011-01-22T05:46:00.000-08:00

Temporarily Disclosed

2010-12-31T00:15:00.000-08:00

so have a sweet dream

2010-12-27T07:18:00.000-08:00

I just want to know what I need to know.

I bloody hate myself.

2010-12-14T08:15:00.001-08:00

i post and i already told you i would but you don't read.

2010-12-12T19:01:00.001-08:00

sorry sorry sorry for everything and anything

and

2010-12-11T07:25:00.000-08:00

I feel unnatural, and totally out of place.

Like I shouldn't be here anymore, or trying.

2010-12-10T01:48:00.001-08:00

prom is in about 1 hour or so

and i am really excited.

dressed up and i look fine but i feel a little weird

i guess its nothing

just a little bit of nervousness

and unfamiliarity?

perhaps.

hahahaha

2010-12-02T17:06:00.000-08:00

A Poem, for the Runner.

He steps through puddles on the ground.

The stench of overnight rain

Filling up his nostrils.

Of wet leaves, that would otherwise crunch under his feet

Instead cling to his shoes, refusing to let go

Wanting him to take them where he goes

The air is chilling him, even through his otherwise thick skin

As the streamline shapes blur past him on the tarmac

He will not bother to keep up, for what are legs to horsepower?

Instead, he turns, and concentrates on placing on foot in front of the other.

A million things are going through his mind

His stomach is full, he needs to get it out

His heart is barely racing, his legs are barely tired

His thoughts jump to everyone from everything, and from everyone to everything.

As his legs barely lift up from the floor.

He tells himself

A little bit more, almost there.

But he never listens to himself.

And stops.

Barely panting. Barely fatigued.

He's sick of running,

But he's definitely not tired.

2010-11-24T23:28:00.000-08:00

I do feel lighter

But know that

Everyone

Always

Has a little

Doubt in their

Minds, Souls, Hearts

So if there's

Anything

I can promise

For sure

It's that

I'll try my

Very very best

O :pbr upi gptrbrt

2010-10-30T20:25:00.001-07:00

WATCH THIS SPACE.

You'll waste your life that way.

2010-10-15T10:23:00.000-07:00

tumblr!

agkelosevlogia

posting here so it won't get much traffic actually. :D

2010-10-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

Simply stating.

I wish I knew.

Why my eye is twitching.

As much as the next guy.

And why motivation.

Leaks away.

In dribs.

And drabs.

Until.

There is nothing left.

2010-10-02T08:54:00.000-07:00

Why am I so bothered by 58cents?

Just let me feel like Monday.

2010-09-26T06:25:00.000-07:00

Yea, it's quite cute.

2010-09-14T04:23:00.000-07:00

Why do I still believe that the yellow icon with white rectangle will be there waiting for my fingers to press, and see the page flip open to a big white box showing me that there's a length of text awaiting my eye sockets when I know that it will never be there?

Pools of dreams fill my head

And I sing to myself instead.

2010-09-11T09:19:00.000-07:00

Why do I always fret over the non-important things, and somehow miss the big picture?

2010-09-08T07:48:00.000-07:00

Tick tock. Tick tock.

I'm letting time slip away.

While I feel sorry for myself.

And ignore the feelings of others,

the feelings you feel.

And I would say I'm sorry for that,

but saying sorry is just further proof that

I have not forgiven myself

that I have not discarded this fear

This silly, irrational fear,

oh my dear, you are not the only one

who is paranoid, who is scared

I'm just scared of different things

Please, every single time I see

a tear, a frown, a glare

my heart shrinks immediately

and automatically, a robotic response

That brings out all the doubt and fear

that I've based my life on

Yes, that's it.

This is the most honest I can be.

Because if I tried to explain through words

and my voice, I'll find

it somewhat difficult

I'm not that good at words as I thought.

I don't want an ending.

But I'm afraid to continue.

Maybe the two are interlinked.

Maybe, I'm just being stupid.

2010-08-29T05:30:00.000-07:00

My computer has just engaged itself in an auto-matic file scanning session.

Which I presume is the reason for my slow internet speed at the current moment.

Although I have absolutely no idea why the two could possibly be interlinked.

But does it really matter?

For once I will let my computer's defences work itself out, rather than closing it straight away and letting my computer be vulnerable to a whole host of non-existent viral threats.

You can never be TOO safe.

2010-08-23T05:39:00.000-07:00

some battles just can't be won

until the new day comes.

2010-08-19T18:10:00.001-07:00

PRELIMSSSSA GAH>S
#) (#KJD (!@K $L!#:AQPW

2010-08-03T01:42:00.001-07:00

Oh
You know
How I love you So.

2010-07-27T07:22:00.001-07:00

drained.

2010-07-23T18:43:00.000-07:00

I don't think so.

Blank

2010-07-21T07:11:00.001-07:00

This is how my brain looked like when I first strummed.

Shit.

It's one thing to not practice, and not know. It's another altogether when you practice so much your hands hurts, and your brain is running through the lyrics all day, and then, snap, its all gone. The former is laziness.

The latter is the phenomenon where your heart skips a beat, where your brain melts and yet somehow, still has capacity for one thought - you. Where, your eyes focus on a single silhouette, a single face. And you know. That all you need is that one person.

And I know.

All I need.

Is you.

2010-07-13T05:43:00.001-07:00

Where is my spark?

There, your heart.

Mystery

2010-07-12T07:51:00.001-07:00

I really want to know.

But I don't want to pry.

Because I'm afraid.

That the answer is what I think it is.

Time Passes

2010-07-11T07:23:00.000-07:00

By.

A week.

Has gone and.

With it many things.

But I just.

Want to.

Let.

You know.

That I have.

Not been 'pon-ning' school.

You stupid asshole.

I have.

Been.

Helping out.

With the Drama

Elective Programme's 'A' Level.

Examinations, so there.

And shut.

Up.

Something's wrong with me

2010-07-06T05:24:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling disgustingly tired.

I've been having countless splitting headaches.

But I have never been happier.

I Have

2010-07-01T04:52:00.001-07:00

Eyebags. NOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Politically Incorrect

2010-06-30T08:18:00.000-07:00

MoE should die.

Ow.

2010-06-29T08:15:00.001-07:00

Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache. Headache.

Ow.

2010-06-29T08:15:00.000-07:00

2010-06-28T08:02:00.000-07:00

Keep hope, keep going.

I will be there by your side.

To hold your hand.

2010-06-25T07:54:00.001-07:00

I need to draw a line on my calendar. And then, tomorrow will be a new day.

2010-06-24T07:07:00.000-07:00

ARGHrawrRAwGH I DON'T WANT TO CREW ANYMORE!

*FOAMS AT THE MOUTH WILD THRASING WILDLY LIKE A INDESCRIBABLY HORRENDOUS MUTANT WATER MONSTER THAT ONLY EATS PLANKTON FOR BREAKFAST, CLAMS FOR LUNCH AND PEOPLE FOR DINNER*

2010-06-23T09:52:00.001-07:00

What's so ridiculous about the truth?

What's with?

2010-06-16T19:47:00.000-07:00

What's with the broken parts?

What's with the tired smiles?

Today, I doubted.

Today, I teared.

Today, I choked back on nothing.

I feel tired, in my mind. My body's fine.

You know, sometimes.

I really don't get you.

So much for telepathy.

Today, I doubted.

What's with me?

What's with you.

-2359, 17-6-10

2010-06-15T08:16:00.000-07:00

350.

Oh 351 now.

Hah

I Think...

2010-06-12T21:34:00.001-07:00

My post meter is stuck at 349.

Seriously!

Two posts ago, I saw, 349.

One post ago, I saw, 349.

Now, as I'm posting this, it's STILL 349!!!

If it doesn't hit 350 after this post, I'll...

Well I don't know what I'll really do. But it won't be nice.

Ah hell I probably won't give a damn and just continue blogging anyway.

Bleh. Anyways, past few days have been sweltering. And by sweltering, I don't mean, hot. I mean OMYGOD I NEED MY ICE CREAM FORCED DOWN MY THROAT AND INTO MY STOMACH NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!!!

The words "ice cream" and "throat" are substitutable with other words.

I'm listening to "Over the Rainbow" now.

The soft version. It's amazingly serene. I feel calmed down just by listening to it.

And my eyes are closing.

Then the reality of chemistry pinches my baby-soft (I would like to think so) skin, and I yelp with a feeling of disappointment and pick up my pen.

I think.

But am I?

-1242, 13-6-10

Filing. Sucks. (but is strangely rewarding)

2010-05-31T07:40:00.000-07:00

OMIGOSHOMIGOSHOMIGOSH!!!!11!!oneone!!!!eleven!!111!

I just spent the whole day filing.

Filing, and filing, and filing. It was not without distress, and it was not without much difficulty. But I finally got it done and now I have a conducive environment to start studying!

Just in case some here don't understand the magnitude of the task, or the height of the mountain of notes JC gives, here's some trivia.

All my math notes took me 2 files, and 1 of them is bursting.

Physics (h1) was kind enough to fit into a single file, with ample room.

Econs was tough, but I managed a system where 3 files had enough room.

GP is still a work in progress, because I think filing GP notes has a significance equivalent to an ant being squashed (assuming the ant isn't the only ant carrying the only cube of sugar to sustain the only queen ant, and that if squished the only ant dies, leaving the only queen ant to not obtain the only sugar cube, causing the only queen ant to die and not be able to reproduce, hence destroying the only ant colony in the world and thus causing the extinction of ants. In this case... well it still wouldn't be that much of a big deal.).

Chemistry took me 4 files. F-O-U-R. Eff, Owe, You, Arr. Files. And even then, 3 of them are bursting at the seams, threatening to engulf my once messy room with notes, like slag from an oceanic volcano, and then solidify as the notes cool, like the slag, forming new land masses and thus altering the shape of my room almost permanently.

At least I'm finally done.

And now I can easily access my notes when I study (not if, becuase I AM going to study. AM I TELL YOU! AMMMMMMMmmmm.....~), rather than roaming around a river of paper, and possibly getting cut by paper 200 times on the same spot (knowing my luck).

Tomorrow, I'm starting studying a proper. Gonna clock in at least 6 hours. Daunting task, I know. But I'll manage. After all, who's the one-man show crew for ACSian Theatre?

I've been through worse, believe me.

Speaking of worse, no wait, I mean....

Speaking of ACSian Theatre, I am looking forward to comm elections, so that I know who's gonna be the one to (*ahem*-be-the-next-in-line-to-take-over-all-my-shit-without-being-aware-of-the-drastic-distress-caused-and-happily-believing-the-job-is-easy-because-I-make-it-seem-so-*ahem*) take over my responsibility and help ACSian Theatre soar to new heights. Wow for some reason that sentence took a lot out of my breath. By the way, can someone teach me how to do that cancel out your words font thing-a-magijjy? I can foresee future use of such a tool, particularly in the representation of my sarcasm over the net, a conversational tool whose effects few can identify over a monotone medium such as the Internet (others mediums include phone text messages).

But the other thing I can't really believe is that I've made it through the day with a recurring migraine, a temperamental running/blocked nose (the weird combination of being runny and blocked is what makes it temperamental), groggy eyes, constant sneezing, dust-covered hands (yes my notes are that ancient), and a general uncomfortable feeling. I guess the thought of carrying on just helped me ignore all that. The thought of a better tomorrow and all that? It's not crap. It really helps. Especially after you spend 4 days alone. Everything seems so much more precious.

But I digress. My original point was to show-off my apparently non-extinct organizational skills, and now here I am talking about topics somewhat more philosophical in nature. I guess a wandering mind makes you unaware of the route of conversation (in this case, expression) you take.

Mmm.. I'm hungry.

2258, 31-5-10

If Only Breaks Lasted Longer

2010-05-27T22:41:00.000-07:00

I won't do well, but I won't fail.

That's what I'm telling myself when I think about the past three days, and the exams I've just sat for.

And I think it's what's on the minds of a great number of people that I know.

Thing is, I could've done better. Thing is, I could've been telling myself, "Man. That was way easy, I could've done it with a flu, a headache, a pen running out of ink, as well as with a lack of air-conditioning and a amazingly noisy construction site."

If, only.

I hate those words.

I'd like to believe that without those words, I'd never have to worry about making a wrong decision, since I wouldn't know if there were are other paths I could take.

For example, if I gained weight,

"If only I didn't have that rich, delicious chocolate cake last night."

This means I could have avoided having that rich, delicious chocolate cake - that tasted like all the angels had specially minimized themselves so they could dance on my tongue, tingle my taste buds and sprinkle a mildly pleasant combination of fairy and angel dust to make me feel like the cake was truly magical - last night.

And here's where if gets complicated.

If only the words if and only didn't exist, I wouldn't have made up such a lame analogy.

Philosophical (or stupidly nonsensical) thoughts aside, it's time to move on to topics of greater concern.

It's now the start of the June break (not yesterday, no, because I spent the last day of school IN school for about 16 hours) so I'm hoping to relax a short while.

Then while I'm still in the June break, I'm going to do something I have never done in any break before - work.

Schoolwork, that is. Yeap, I'm having the crazy ambition of hitting my books and getting some studying done so that I will have no excuse to helplessly fail my arms when they get weak and wobbly from all the writing I would have to do in term 3 if I didn't study during June.

But after thinking of this, I realise that if only the June break were longer, I would be able to catch up more.

Same way if only the June break were longer, I would be able to relax more.

If only.

Bah, now I have a choice.

-1352, 28-5-10

I'm Sorry

2010-05-24T15:30:00.000-07:00

What the hell am I saying?

Half my mind is in the pits, the other half is trying to figure out a way to walk on water.

I didn't mean to make you sad or angry.

I just wanted to say what I felt, or what I thought I felt.

I guess I was being selfish.

Ironic, I know.

I was just afraid that I wouldn't treasure you as much.

Something about absence and fondness I remember...

But I...

Well...

I have no excuse for the things I said, or the time I said it.

I thought letting it out would help, but now I feel like shit. I'm pretty sure I made you feel bad too.

My lack of sensitivity is appalling.

So now, where do I stand?

I just wanted to request that you don't measure my love in the things I do for you, or the time I spend with you.

I still love you infinitely.

I'm sorry.

-0638

Today

2010-05-20T03:50:00.000-07:00

There is much reason to smile.

And be happy.

To laugh with sincere joy and for hearts to beat fast and flutter.

There is much reason for heads on shoulders, for hands in hands.

Its not like there was reason for these things not to occur, just more of a reason to hold back a little.

And there is much reason to realize,

that it was worth the wait.

-1854, 20-5-10

Today

2010-05-17T07:27:00.000-07:00

There is little reason to smile.

And more than enough reason to want to wipe the creases of your forehead.

-2228, 17-5-10

Sickly

2010-05-13T00:44:00.001-07:00

I'm sick.
But I'm helping.
Helping to destress.
To share the workload.
And if leads to you being happy.
Then I'm perfectly healthy.

-1544, 13-5-10

Journey

2010-05-09T07:04:00.000-07:00

It's almost over.

What I mean to say, is that in any journey, there is a certain point, a thin line, if you will, that once crossed can never be threaded over again. A milestone, yes, that's the word. Once you pass this milestone, this particular position measured by time and experience, you find yourself staring at the fork between two new, laid out paths.

The first path is the one where you call it quits. Where you are either tired of the journey, weary of the steps that you have painstakingly taken, or feel that it is too much to handle, and that any additional burden will crush you right there and then. There is also the possibility that you feel bored of the journey and wish to pursue a different journey, one more challenging and exciting. You head instead for that path and leave the milestone as it is - undeveloped, untouched. Neglected.

The second path is the one where you turn your head, look at everything behind you, and remember all the good times, all the bad times, and just every other second of this journey, all the experienced emotions, all the thoughts and actions. All the memories. And you smile when you think of how you made it through it all. And you smile because you enjoyed every step of the way. And sometimes, you just smile, for no reason other than having been through such a magnificent trek. You are willing to continue the journey, and you are willing to keep working at it, putting in the effort. You take the next step forward with a light heart, and wonder at what the future brings.

Me? I'm taking the next step. Definitely.

To the future; to you and me.

Happy one month.

-0000, 11-5-10

2010-05-07T00:47:00.000-07:00

I've always thought I was more mature than my peers.
If I could put myself at an age based on maturity, I'd grow up at least 5 years, I bet.
But I guess I've been proven wrong.
On so many occasions, in many different ways.
I realised I'm just still just a little, awkward boy, easily embarrassed and very shy.
I lack the will and the drive to do a great many things, which is why sometimes I look like I'm just staring blankly into space. It's coz I'm imagining. It's something I do quite well.

I hold grudges for lengthy periods of time, and rarely ever forgive and forget.
But with you.
I guess I'm opening up.
I'd never thought I could be changed by anyone.
I guess,
You're the exception.
The only exception.

They said that one of the greatest feelings in the world is when you kiss her hand, and put it on your heart.

-1556, 7-5-10

I'm...

2010-05-05T06:52:00.001-07:00

Sick.

Sweaty.

Tired.

Smiling.

Thinking.

Talking.

Missing.

Yours.

-2154, 5-5-10

Honesty

2010-05-02T03:07:00.001-07:00

I honestly don't know how I feel about those statements.

I mean, given the circumstances, I was trying to seem polite and solemn. Are you telling that that is not how you act is such cases, that instead I should have loosened up and acted random, seeming disrespectful at an occasion dedicated to someone I'd never met before?

I honestly have no idea.

But don't think for a moment that I didn't get slightly annoyed.

They may be more important, but a cynical judgement is still cynical.

Then again, perhaps I am just venting because they may be right. And I know it too, but I just don't want to lose. I just want to remain in the right, because that's how I am. Defensive, and in that sense, paranoid. It really just peeved me off.

It's not the first time, but the impact never diminishes.

And then when I hear those words pop up, and I think to myself, that if it had happened to other people, why couldn't it happen to me?

I mean, it just isn't logical.

I could explain, but I won't. That statement wasn't logical, either, simply because there was no reason for such a statement to be made.

Yet there was, admittedly, reason for the statements they made.

I just feel like it was way too far behind my back.

Right now I just need to vent.

My room is amazingly hot, even with the fan blowing directly at me, I am still sweating.

My dog is being annoying, barking in its high pitched tone.

My room door is closed, because I don't want company.

My palms are warm from resting on the keyboard, which has been growing hotter because of poor ventilation in the design of my laptop.

My mind is half-awake, and the other half probably dead.

My throat feels dry, even though I've already had a crazy amount of water entering my system throughout the course of the day.

My neck aches, with a reason completely unbeknownst to me.

My brain racks itself with more things for me to be unhappy about.

My eyes are looking through this list once more.

My nose inhales, then exhales.

I take everything in the list above, metaphorically, and put them all into a metaphorical red ball-like capsule, which, defying the nature of science, is completely hard, has a solid, fixed shape, and yet is malleable and manipulatable into different shapes.

I put everything in through a cap at the top, and seal it up again.

I inhale, and exhale.

I inhale, and the inhale, and the capsule grows bigger. It is the focus now of my mind's eye.

I exhale, and it decreases in size.

I inhale sharply, and watch it grow exponentially.

I hold my breath, and crush the capsule, squeeze it and force it until it becomes 10 times smaller.

I exhale, long and slow, and watch it become smaller, so small till it disappears.

Now the only thing annoying me is the heat, which I can never make go away.

I'm sorry if I 'bullied' you, or at times said stupid things.

Sometimes I just don't think through my words, or my actions. I'm selfish that way. Sometimes.

There's no excuse; it hasn't been hell on me, I'm not pissed, there's no massive alien invasion happening tomorrow and I'm the only one who can stop it. There's no excuse, and that's just it.

I'm like that.

Today, I have no pretty words.

All I have is honesty and a metaphorical stress ball, that only metaphorically works.

It actually doesn't.

-1820, 2-5-10

2010-04-28T09:32:00.000-07:00

Today I have ended my 10 day streak.

And possibly set a new record.

-0037, 29-4-10

I Miss You

2010-04-25T23:12:00.000-07:00

When I'm with you,
I'll make every second count,
'Coz I miss you,
Whenever you're not around.

-1333, 27-4-10

2010-04-25T07:01:00.001-07:00

I want a thank you.

It seems selfish.

But I want a thank you.

For spending 10 days straight doing what others expect me to be a Superman at.

That's partially why my mood is at it is.

And the other reasons, ah, I shall not digress.

I want a thank you.

From anyone else.

But you, because I already know.

You need not say a word.

-2202, 25-4-10

2010-04-23T07:10:00.000-07:00

I will keep you in my prayers.

I will be your listening ear.

I will comfort your distress.

I will be forever here.

But...

2010-04-21T02:05:00.001-07:00

That was all until 5pm

Today

2010-04-21T00:58:00.000-07:00

Is just one of those days, I guess.
It's pouring outside, and I was half drenched when I first entered this air-conditioned room.
I'm amazed I'm not even cold.
Perhaps its just me being a tad little annoyed/pissed that's keeping my body temperature above the average levels.
The worst part of it is that I never know why I'm angry, or sad, or pissed, or grumpy.
I only ever know why I am happy, elated, excited, anxious, satisfied, content.
Then again, maybe it's the migraine, induced by both the rain and me walking straight into 18 degree Celsius surroundings.
Or the aching in my arms brought by heavy lifting and carrying furniture halfway across the school compound.
Or the gnawing feeling that I have work undone yet am still procrastinating, simply asking to be swept up by the passing of days in a blur and then tossed away and left behind like those cheap, rusty cars as they experience tornado weather in places that I have never even set foot in.
Or the combination of the 3, which unexpectedly are really little green martians trying to screw me over in the hopes that I cut myself, then while I sleep they enter the wound and steal my blood, and then with a sample, return to their home planet, utilize the superhuman DNA in my bodily fluids and then create a virtually undefeatable warrior, bring him back, try to take over the Earth, then realize that, like me, the 'warrior' is too lazy to give a shit. Well, aliens, I already have 5 open wounds on my body.
But could you guys come tomorrow? I know the chances of actually entering a open wound tomorrow are way smaller than right now, due to my skin having the ability to heal itself over a period of time (superhuman to them, what to us we call cell reparation), but I just hope you guys would be a little sensitive to my current emotions.
Since, after all, today is a bad day.
I promise I'll be a thousand times more hospitable tomorrow.

-1610, 21-4-10

Loss

2010-04-20T07:25:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure I'm at a loss for words.

Something that seems rather surreal to me at this point in time.

Then again, pretty words mean little as compared to actions.

Which equates to me being the equivalent of inaction in a tangible essence.

And besides, everything I've said, and could've said, has been said, and everything that has been said has been said at least a few hundred times.

I'm afraid that what's been said will have lost some meaning, being diluted by repetition, and hence causes myself to seem slightly more insincere each time.

I'm just as paranoid, in a sense, although in a different way.

I'm afraid I'll start to take for granted, this feeling.

I'm afraid I'll let it all get to my head.

I'm afraid I'll let you down.

I'm afraid I'll never understand completely.

But then for now,

I am unafraid.

Love us. Love you.

Forever.

Promise.

-2232, 20-4-10

Meticulous

2010-04-19T07:45:00.001-07:00

2010-04-17T08:24:00.001-07:00

I swear a feeling like this can never be described until you feel it yourself.

That's when you know,

that the flowers are blooming,

the birds are singing,

the sun is shining,

the angels are smiling,

for you.

2010-04-14T19:19:00.000-07:00

You don't have to say sorry.

The things I do,
The words I spew,

Are all part of who I am.
I hope you can understand.

I would do anything within my power. For you.
You don't have to say sorry,
For saying things you don't mean, because I know what your heart really means.
For not always being there, because you are always with me, and I with you.
For making me wait for forever, I wait because I love it.
Sorry for hurting my heart, but you never have.
Sorry for taking it out on me, as long as it cheers you up.
Sorry for not being able to cheer me up, I smile when you smile; I cry when you cry.
Sorry for loving me less, we are forever, in this manner, equal in the volume of love.
Sorry for not being good enough, because you definitely are.

-1029, 15-4-10

2010-04-12T08:57:00.001-07:00

I don't think there is anything else left to say, that I haven't already told you a few thousand times.

But I want to make this clear - you mean the world to me.

And I hope I mean the same to you.

I want to be the person you can lean on.

The person who will always support you.

The person who will keep you safe, keep you warm, shelter you from harm.

The person you can always trust, never doubt, and forever love.

The person you are to me now.

I love you.

-0001, 13-5-10

Courage

2010-04-04T08:53:00.000-07:00

Courage is taking chances, no matter how small.

Courage is not a lack of fear, but having lots of fears,

Then pushing forward and making sure you remain uninhibited.

Courage is having passion for the things you love, even if everyone else disagrees.

Courage is holding her hand, and telling her how you feel.

Then I am still building up courage.

And until I have enough courage, the lingering feeling on my left cheek will suffice.

-0059, 5-5-10

2010-04-01T09:25:00.000-07:00

I'm flying above the clouds, and it feels simply pleasant.

Days have been passing quickly but slowly at the same time. And I love the feeling.

- 0029, 2-5-10

Cambodia

2010-03-22T05:40:00.000-07:00

It was a meaningful trip. Honestly.

DAY 1

-------

Airport. 5.45 a.m.

34 students dressed in the infamous ACJC black collegiates gather with bags outside row 12, terminal 2. Cambodia is only 6 hours away (including waiting time, duh. the flight's at 8.15am)

I look around and realise with a start - mine is the only sling bag.

What a wonderful anticlimax. Hah.

Board the plane and look at the fluffy clouds below. When we land, its roughly 9-ish (1 hour behind SG time). Grab our luggage and head for the hotel. "Long Beach Plaza Hotel". A seemingly simple hotel that, little would we know, houses some scandalous, well, non-secrets. After a quick unpacking we head off to our first destination: a little 'village' off a offbeat road, where there are a group of orphaned children. We perform for them and get out first taste of staging a performance in Cambodia. It wasn't as fun as the other days, though.

We head off and then arrive, hot and sweaty from being inside a bus with faltering air-conditioning, and a temperature of roughly 36/37 degrees outside, at a port. There, we jump onto a modest vessel and begin our river cruise, with about 25 of us heading to the upper deck, while the rest chillax under the shade the bottom deck provides. We see many things, and enjoy many sights, take many photos, camwhore like the camwhores we all are, take a few awkward photos, a gay one and many emo photos. The ride itself is nearly two hours long.

I also get proclaimed salt king because of the white markings on my shirt, caused by salt in my sweat, which evaporated, leaving the salt to crystallize on my shirt. I officially beat AMO in the sweat competition.

After the cruise, we head to a nearby market and split up to do some quick shopping, about half an hour. I end up buying some random souvenirs for an unbelievably cheap price. The conversation goes like this:

Old shopkeeper woman who wants to earn some moolah: YOU WANT? NINE DOLLAH NINE DOLLAH CHEAP CHEAP.

Me: *just wanting to check price* uhh. no thank you. *walks away*

OSWWWTOESM: EIGHT DOLLA!

Me: *walks*

OSWWWTOESM: SIX! FIVE! FOUR!

Me: *stops* no thanks! *turns*

Friend: *still standing next to OSWWWTOESM* eh.. just buy.

Me: nah. I just want to check price only

OSWWWTOESM: *desperately* TWO DOLLA! CHEAP!

Friend: *smiles at me* buy la knn

Me: *turns* *grabs wallet*

It seems like I was actually bargaining? I swear I had no intention of buying ANYTHING. the OSWWWTOESM just practically through it at me. f*** seriously.

We have dinner at a nearby fancy restaruant and I swear. Portions are infuriatingly small. And even meat dishes are like... 10-20% meat, the rest veg. But the KANGKONG IN FRIED OYSTER SAUCE IS SO AMAZINGLY AWESOME I SWEAR. And the fishcake amok AS well. Woah.

After dinner we head back to the hotel. And it's there we see... the prostitutes, tranees and their customers. Oh god.

We rush up to our rooms. And after taking a shower I fall to sleep peacefully, in between two guys. Gotta love the USD$6 per room per night hotel rooms. Well, at least they have about 40/50 television channels. And great roomkeeping service.

-2106, 22-3-10

I Need

2010-03-07T02:36:00.001-08:00

To know.

Oh so very badly.

Please.

-1836, 7-3-10

Blinded

2010-03-07T02:29:00.000-08:00

I wonder what it'll be like if I typed with my eyes closed?

Let's give it a shot.

v Wjat cam O sat tp ypi? [What can I say to you?]

O giess O', kist sjy tjat way/. [I guess I'm just shy that way.]

O', s[eecj;ess/O ,eam. o [I'm speechless. I ]

awesome. Just try and decipher that if you can.

Here's a hint. See the O's? They're in capital.

I don't think you need to know more then that.

Anyway.

I've been kinda bummed. I don't know how to say this.

But I think I'm the one causing all this. I don't know why.

But then, I always thought I was missed, I was wanted. Now that I'm trying to get back I get the feeling I'm hated, loathed, and have no purpose in life but the get out of another's.

I am one seriously confused fellow.

But agony aunt aint for me. That's for sure.

I think I'll go about my problems the usual, Kaiyang-ish way.

Put on my stone, and go on living like there is a tomorrow.

Gosh. Feels just like a repeat of last year.

-1833, 7-3-10

Unsettled

2010-02-26T16:27:00.001-08:00

I'm unsettled.

Everyone around me is stressing out.

And that's making me stress out.

Weird.

I'm unsettled.

-0827, 27-2-10

Emomomomomo

2010-02-15T07:44:00.000-08:00

And while I have been sheltering myself inside my emomomomomomomo shell of emomomomomomo-ness, I did not even realise what was happening around me. I feel kinda bad for them right now. But I guess this is part of why I stick it out myself. Being cryptic here, sorry. It's weird. To feel guilty for something that's not your fault. Seems like it's breakup season? Probably. Sorry guys.

Meanwhile, I was contemplating, whether I should have told her, before the clock struck 12.

"I don't know why, but just wanted to say, hope you had a happy St. Valentine's day"

But I froze and I gave up. I left the draft, to remind myself how foolish I was. Then the clock struck 12.

Plus, the island-wide alarm sounded today, at supposedly 12.00noon sharp. Guess my clocks are about 3 minutes fast.

2347, 15-2-09

R.A

2010-02-09T06:02:00.000-08:00

Heya, what's been hanging?

Haven't made a post in quite a while, no idea why, no idea why not.

I just haven't really been doing much I guess. Chinese New Year is coming up soon. So is Valentine's Day. Both are, if you are still living under the rock called apathy, an equal time away from each other. I don't think I've ever experienced this phenomena before. It really is quite interesting. I'll be spending Valentine's Day at my cousin's house. Oh come now, don't look at me like that, you know what I mean.

I don't feel like continuing. Yawning now. Just came back from drama welcome tea. Nice intake this year, 70+ people. Hopefully all stay. I really need my backstage people. Otherwise. I'm screwed. Haha. No seriously. I'll be dead meat, dying under the pressure of hard work.

But I think I'm bummed out about V-Day. I mean, I think it's fair to say I lust for love. It's just something that's been gnawing at my mind since I was 12. Love, relationships. It's a world I want to experience, soon. Heck, 17 V-Days alone. Still better than my brother I guess. He's clocked in 19 alone. But he's had relationships before. 2 in fact. It's much easier to like a sarcastic self-demeaner than a quiet rock.

Oh now, I can't believe all this talk is coming from me. Perhaps it's just the lack of creativity that I have mixed with the abundance of a wanting to have a creative outlet that's causing this phenomenon. Seriously, today I felt like bursting out into song randomly, explosively and without regard for public image of myself. Multiple times. A minute. For the whole day.

I still haven't finished the song I promised 6 months ago. And already I'm sourcing for Relationship Advice. Don't take me the wrong way. RA's one way to look it.

-2211, 9-2-10

New Year, Same Me

2010-01-20T04:32:00.000-08:00

Watching American Idol as I'm typing this out.
Watching Glee later. Really excited to catch the first episode, it looks like a great show.
Haven't done any schoolwork in the past 3 days, but I intend to start after glee, which ends at 10. I think I can manage pretty well. I think I should be able to anyway.

But tell me this, does is matter?
I always ask myself that, and I always procrastinate with the answer.
This year's critical, and I seriously hope I don't burn out, like last year.
Last year I made promises to study hard, and I kept that promise for about 1 month. Then I said, "Screw it," threw my books aside and somehow scraped my sorry ass through the rest of the year.
Is that going to happen again?
Does it matter?
Yes.
It matters.
It matters so much, that right now I cannot describe the situation I will face if I fail to do so.
But does it matter enough to me? That I will not let go.

I don't know.
I hope so.
New year, same me.
-2252, 20-1-10

I'd Rather

2010-01-01T17:05:00.001-08:00

Turn the clock back one year

Return to time already past

Relive a year long gone

So I won't ever have to look to the coming.

That's just how I feel.

9.06, 2-1-10

6 Hours for 3 Days

2009-12-22T06:50:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, what's up?

Oh I'm sorry, I should be telling you that. This is, after all, my blog, eh? Sorry.

Since the last post I made that isn't a poem, I've had a whole lot of fun playing L4D2, had a birthday/class chalet on the 15th-17th December, which was a hella fun, had my birthday dinner (without cake, my request) at Seoul Garden, leaving me full, but unsatisfied, unlike previous experiences, did some Christmas shopping (no you aren't getting gifts, but merry Christmas all the same).

But I'd like to talk about the chalet the most.

So they all showed up in the afternoon, after me and my parents checked into the chalet and checked out the place. NSRCC (National Service Resort and Country Club) is pretty awesome. The hut itself is 2 stories, with 2 bedrooms (each with 2 beds), 2 bathrooms, a kitchen and living room area and dining room area. It even has a TV with Starhub CableTv and other jacks for stuff like a PS3 (Fifa took up so much of the guy's time). The 1st day we spent bumming around since it rained, stalling our barbecue. But we still managed to have it in the end, thanks to my parents (love ya!) And it was pretty funny, we ordered food for 20, we had about 15 present. Leftovers that my family had for dinner 3 nights later. Shitake mushrooms kind of fail. BADLY.

Drunken party later that night that lasted till like 6. While the drunk slept soundly, the high but not drunk went for an hour walk to east coast park, watched whatever little we could of the sunrise, and then walked back, slept to 12(except for me, I cooked breakfast), then woke up. Nasty stuff happened that night/morning (mostly in the morning, where fatigue and alcohol work their magic so easily) which I shall not relate to the public here.

Second day, and the morning spent slaving away to rapid eye movement and dreaming. The afternoon, some utilized my laptop and free wireless internet, others utilized my PS3 and Fifa 09, while me and a couple others went for a swim. Then it started to drizzle, DRIZZLE, and the pool closed for 30 minutes. Then it opened for 15, and it started to drizzle, DRIZZLE, and the pool closed for 30 minutes. AGAIN. Pissed off, we went to the beach, found a nice little island, and caught hermit crabs in pretty shells, kept them in a cup, and proclaimed them pets (I didn't touch any of those poor little creatures).

At around 7 the whole group left for east coast park, and we walked about 100 minutes before we reached the nearest bike rental (the 2 nearer had already closed). It was just about to close, but we managed to reach it in time, to rent 10 bikes overnight. It was pretty cheap, just 8 dollars per bike for the whole night. And we cycled back to the chalet after dinner at the hawker centre. The trip back took 20 minutes. Waited for a few (VERY) latecomers and due to unforeseen circumstances, I traded my bike for some much needed 5 hours of sleep. The rest cycled off to OLD CHANGI HOSPITAL (the main event for the chalet, although I was informed later that the place had no thrill, held no scare, and proved to be chickenshit compared to what some of us had been through).

I woke up to find the group downstairs, drinking again. I offered to be that night's bartender, and we had a pretty wild time again. Nothing nasty happened though, that night. Not that I'm complaining, for both nights I only had enough alcohol to make a baby cactus drunk (which is not a lot, I think). We slept even later that night, at 6 or so. And we had to wake up at 8 the next day, to check out of the chalet. IMPOSSIBLE? THANK THE HEAVENS FOR PARENTAL INFLUENCE! Where I so badly failed to wake up my friends (I woke up at 7, after sleeping at 6, and cooking breakfast again), my father managed to do so in 1 sentence. I had to blast music and shit.

We checked out in time, and I fell asleep on the car ride home. I didn't sleep again until 12.04am the next day. Some of my classmates now think I am a monster. I didn't bother to point out people survive on 3 hours of sleep a day. I just had about 6 for 3 days.

I'm working on my song now (AGAIN YES, I am a BAAAAAAAAAAD lyricist), since I just fixed my guitar strings (thanks string provider whose name I shall not mention here to preserve anonymity that I so strongly pledge to keep), and my fingers kind hurt, since I'm still new to acoustic metal strings. But whatever, I wanna hear something substantial soon!

Anyway, merry Christmas! And a resolution-keeping new year!

-2329, 22-12-09

Life is a Funny Thing

2009-12-01T16:16:00.000-08:00

How would we feel

joy without pain

cold without flames

light without dark

peace without chaos

company without loneliness

content without regret

reward without struggle

life without death

love without hate

It is the blindly optimistic who see only the good, and pray we never have to face the bad; they will never know that nothing comes without a counterpart.

It is the gloomy pessimists who see only the foul, and give up hope of ever finding the good; they give up the fight before it starts, and trapped in a circle, never realising where the problem lies.

But then there are those who see both good and bad, understand their presence, and laugh at the irony, thinking, whispering, to themselves, "Life is a Funny Thing; That's what makes it worth living."

Theatre Week

2009-11-21T06:40:00.000-08:00

It's nearly here, Theatre Week for the ACSian Theatre play, The Count of Monte Cristo.

I'm in hell.

But I'll live.

And then I can look foward to L4D2 BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Omg nerd excitement took over me there.

But then I forgot what else I wanted to say.

...

L4D2 BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D

-2241, 21-11-09

Night

2009-11-12T09:22:00.000-08:00

Met up with my secondary school friends today. It's been a dam long time.

Felt great to see them, and that they've changed, but they're still the same, I guess.

I can't remember the last time I heard so much sarcasm packed into a string of sentences, or the mocking tone we used with the words 'Builder' and 'Bob', or even the infamous site, 'freesexyindian.com'.

Really great to see them , the next time won't take so long, I can swear.

Then after that, I went with my current class to the night safari.

I honestly felt it was a pretty good waste of money, $22 gone down just like that.

Exhibits were interesting at best, but couldn't really keep my attention and I found myself wanting to rush through the enclosures, or otherwise spaced out and thinking about the surrounding darkness whilst grabbing my friend's floorball stick. Apparently when I do that, I look like the villain from 'Halloween'. I shudder at the thought.

It's hardly night now, but I couldn't care less. Night is where the darkness is, so it is day where I know it.

By the way, it's Friday the 13th, and my stomach is hurting.

-0127, 13-11-09

Fuzzy Blue

2009-11-05T06:04:00.001-08:00

I don't respond to that name. I just respond. But hey, don't worry. I'm still a fuzzy blue ball.

-2205, 5-10-09

Results

2009-11-04T07:02:00.000-08:00

Anglo-Chinese Junior College Promotional Exams 2009 Results for:

Name: Lin Kaiyang (0382)

Class: 1SA5

Chinese - C

General Paper - B

Physics - A

Chemistry - A

Economics - E

Mathematics - B

*In alphabetical order of subjects, from H1 to H2

So if this were A levels, the score'd be something like 65+ (out of 90?) which wouldn't get me anywhere. Ima needa buck up sometime soon. Then again, perhaps I should rejoice, because apparently I've done better than many people I know, and they are the ones taking their results lightly.

Besides, I should feel a little more secure knowing that my class is top 7th in terms of Chemistry H2 MSG, and 5th in terms of Mathematics H2 MSG as well. Quite a feat, huh?

I wonder how we'll fare in econs (bitchy heelee somewhat screwed us over).

Anyway, today I had the song Stella - All Time Low stuck in my head. I kept singing it out loud and I might have bugged some of my classmates out. Then again, they could've found it entertaining. After all, how often do you see your class emo burst out in a melodious, catchy song belonging to the POP-PUNK genre? The same genre as so many great bands before, including (but not limited to) Blink 182, Busted and so on.

As the song goes,

I'm only happy when I'm wasted,

Point the finger but I just can't place it,

Feels like I'm falling in love when I'm falling through the bathroom floor.

And I remember how you tasted,

Had you so many times, let's face it,

Feels like I'm falling in love alone,

Stella would you take me home

It's still stuck in my head, even till now. I just autoplayed it on my iPod, by the way, for about 50 minutes straight. That's probably close to 16 listens, consecutively.

Till then,

take me home, wasted but happy.

-2313, 4-11-09

Tell Me

2009-10-31T07:57:00.001-07:00

I haven't blogged in eons, this place is smelling of rot, and not the good kind (is there a good kind of rot?) either.

So what's been happening with me? Let's see. Promotional exams are over (long ago), I've gotten my results (less long ago) and found them not-so-satisfactory (5 minutes after less long ago occurred) and am now mulling in a seemingly-depressed-but-actually-quietly-content state of mind.

I'm not going to tell you what I got, I don't want you to know how much of an idiot I am, especially after I already told you that my commonplace circular arguments are only difficult to follow because they make absolutely no sense whatsoever.

I will, however, tell you that my CCA responsibilities are back in full swing, and I am not enjoying them one bit. But I can't exactly quit on such short notice, and I'm not going to be a coward who will quit in the first place, so I've decided I'm going to suck it up and survive. Not do my best, no. Just survive. Because I'm far too passive to even hit the halfway mark my 'best' has so evilly pinned up.

My brother's left for Taiwan. Part of his NS thing. And here's the part where I see myself having to find my presence in the aforementioned country two years down the road. I'm not dreading it, but I'm not exactly throwing a party at the prospect either (I mean, there's still the chance I don't go, which won't really leave me a devastated mess).

Project Work is bitching up my life. It's not as if the work isn't enough for us to handle, but now I have drama between two group members, and I can't possibly play the diplomat while retaining my status as a spectator. Frankly, it's starting to piss me off too, and they'd better get their shit together if they want that A. We've already come too far to lose it now, although it isn't surprising if we never got it in the first place (touches my study desk, for it is the nearest thing made out of wood from where my ass is currently planted (Yes, that's right, my study desk is made of wood!) ).

Chinese A Level Examination is in roughly 33 hours. I hope I'm prepared, although the truth of that fact can be debated very easily. At least I have 2.5 hours of tuition tomorrow, so that might just push my preparation levels up by so much. I just realised that I do need to prepare on my own, and I should probably start now, but it's already 11.09pm, so there isn't much time until I have to sleep to prepare for my tuition the next day. I do hope for a B, but I think a C's fine too. After all, how many people I have met, who claimed a pass was all they needed to make their days, and allow them to revel in the fact that they never have to study Chinese ever again.

Listening constantly to All Time Low's music now. Their new album, 'Nothing Personal', differs so greatly from their previous album, 'So Wrong, It's Right'. But while some may say it's a bad thing, I think it's really quite refreshing. Both albums were great anyway, but now I can't stop wanting to sing aloud (even if in public) when I hear their new tunes on my iPod. And it's just so dam catchy, I keep thinking about the lyrics, non-stop. The strange thing though, is that their new album makes them sound like Boys Like Girls' first album. And Boys Like Girls' second album is different from the first, too. I'm glad to see change in music styles from the different bands I know, and like I said, it's refreshing to realize that the band you're listening to sounds like how a band used to sound like when you used to listen to the latter.

Extremely hyped up about L4D2's release on Nov 17th, probably gonna wait until after Theatre Week to buy it, though. Saw the L4D2 Survival Guide, and felt it was incredibly epic, and hands down THE best game-related video I have ever seen. It's sort of a trailer, but not exactly a trailer either, but I couldn't care less. As random YouTube comment leavers have exclaimed, I might have (not, I really didn't) "Jizz in my pants." Either way, I'm still having a fit over how awesome the games going to be. The demo's out and it's already received positive feedback from the best players of L4D, and the common public players as well. Valve has a magic formula that other game-making companies might want to get their hands on (well, not really, I'd rather it stay with Valve).

So, tell me, what's been up with you?

-2318, 31-10-09

Space

2009-10-16T08:05:00.000-07:00

Ah, I wish I had spent the day immersing myself more in zen and synth music, just like I am doing so now.

It's really relaxing and amazing.

Although of course it's still hard to remove worries from a mind as detailed as mine (and yours, for they are all the same, only the content within differs).

So anyway, proud of us getting 2nd for Captain's Ball during the AC Games (I didn't play, I helped by analyzing other teams, but then that didn't help much because the last game they subbed people so I was gaping mouth wide open). And 'mulling' over our loss at bridge. But then, I think we'd make it no further than round 3. So I'd best be leaving that memory and associated actions (that I shan't mention) behind.

Hmm.

Waiting for promo results. I won't fail any subject, but I'm sure I won't do as well as I expected (2As, the rest Cs). Maths and Chem failed me, but GP, Physics, Econs and surprisingly, Chinese, went much better than I thought so I can still hope.

Anyway, I need to space myself out more. I was absolutely professional at doing so in the past but after the hype of the O levels I don't really remember how anymore.

Oh my body's going into relapse now.

Relapse: A term coined by myself when a body starts to sweat (even if minimally) uncontrollably and headache's make themselves apparent. Usually caused by loud sounds along with constantly changing appearances in front of the subject's eyes, and can include proximity to heat (usually a factor speeding up such an occurrence).

Relapse.

Better get some water in my system.

2313, 16-10-09

Give Me A Reason

2009-10-11T05:27:00.001-07:00

emo bug bit me. badly.

tired and lethargic.

but fighting the urge to put meaning in meaningless words.

for example pretending to be completely contemplative of an issue i have no interest in.

so to salvage this post,

i have to add in some

'BOOMZ'

-2133, 11-10-09

For The New Day

2009-10-08T06:20:00.001-07:00

Bejewelled Blitz on Facebook has released a new version, one that I am definitely addicted to.

It's based less on luck then the previous one, and more on skill. So there's no surprise that I find it much more fun to play, and the scornful sneer never crosses my faces when I see 5 digit numbers made by first timers claiming to be due to awesome skill and amazing ability.

Yes, I am a Bejewelled NERD.

I'm not proud, but I am neither ashamed.

Anyway, I should be studying chemistry, I could be, but I am not, therefore I wouldn't.

I will soon, though.

Right now I'm just giving a little update that my freedom is nearby. But after this freedom I'm going to find myself in another pile because of mainly, my CCA. I am seriously regretting having ran for the post, but there's nothing I can do now except to suck it up and take each blow as they come. Which would mean serious attitude adjustments on my part.

But then, if I don't change, then life isn't fun, because I only see things from the same perspective every single time.

So it would only be fair to say that after today, life takes new dynamic shapes, and to fully experience, we have to wait for each new day.

-2124, 8-10-09

Tiresome

2009-10-01T06:33:00.000-07:00

I am feeling emo.

So to prevent a possibly incomprehensible post, I shall keep it short and sweet.

By ending here.

I'm not dead yet, don't worry.

I will be in about 5 days.

And so might you!

P.S. Happy Children's Day!

-2135, 1-10-09

Disclaimer

2009-09-27T07:14:00.001-07:00

I haven't been studying, like I thought I would be, like I know I should be, like I realised I can't.

Instead I'm in front of this filthy florescent screen with a splitting headache from far too many loud noises, hyperactive sweat glands making me feel sticky half an hour after bathing, and a mind that's filled with boredom, temptation and fatigue.

Yes, I've been gaming the whole days the past few days.

So good night, and good luck.

-2216, 27-09-09

Filler

2009-09-24T05:18:00.000-07:00

So today became rather uneventful.

Of course, I don't really open my eyes much to anything anymore.

A quick recap of the days makes me realise that I...

1. Woke up in the morning and went to school.

2. Stayed in school, had some laughs, had some pissed off moments, had some sleepy moments, had some more laughs.

3. Took a bus home with a fellow friendly classmate (I suck at having conversations with because I simply do not know about 90% of the people's names you spill out, sorry!)

4. Tuition.

5. Dinner.

6. Here now.

Feeling rather neutral, and definitely warm. So much for the gusty winds the weather predicted today. But perhaps, it's because, just like my mind in its current state, my windows are closed.

Apology for Interruption

2009-09-17T04:45:00.001-07:00

But it's the 300th post.

So I call for tradition yet again.

Yet I notice how quickly I have reached the 300th post, compared to the previous 100 and 200 posts ago posts.

It took about two years to get the to 100th, a year to the 200th, and then barely 4 months to the 3ooth.

I fear and fret, for at this rate, I'll be reaching the 400th post ins about 1.5 months, the 500th in half a month after, the 600th in 6 days, the 700th in 2 days, and then the 800th in 1 day, and soon i'll be going at roguhly a hundred posts a half-second.

Which means I'll be having no life!

Although I'm guessing that 's nearly impossible, unless I sign up for a 100 twitter accounts, then link them all to my blog and type 1 character at the same time for all of them and hit enter every second.

Is that possible?

I have no idea.

Oh well.

So let us celebrate the 300th post with a dedication to tradition, the cryptic fluidity and undecipherable style I have come to know and love, but with a twist.

I'll actually tell you what it means this time.

But it's hard to tell somewhat what something means, when the only thing it means is that I'll tell you that there is no meaning to something that seems to have meaning because of circular logic and strange language.

So there you go.

I just answered your question by not asking mine.

Happy 300th, and now...

We return to your regular scheduled programme.

-2121, 20/09/2009

Time to be Proper

2009-09-15T07:29:00.001-07:00

Therefore, as proper students do at around this time of year, I shall:

1. Mention the upcoming promotional exams.

2. Quote myself about the lack or preparation.

3. Start fretting.

4. Think about killing myself.

5. Dispose of the idea in the imaginary trash can that is my mind.

6. Think about studying.

7. Blog instead.

8. Resolve to stsart studying.

9. Add in the word, 'tomorrow' to point 8.

10. Sign off.

Therefore, to make the above points flow in a coherent manner, I shall type with wit, description and fluent language. Oh don't worry, I'll label the points as they make their respective appearances throughout the passage.

Time to be Proper

So my promotional exams are coming soon, in approximately 21 days, or an estimated 3 weeks. (1) I am, not unexpectedly, unprepared. After all, my main activity the past few days, and throughout the whole of last week (which were my September Holidays, mind you!) my main activity was to plop my sorry self in front of the computer and game, facebook, youtube and fmylife the day away. (2)

I haven't done proper revision yet, any proper studying, and still have homework from the June holidays overdue! How am I ever going to pass my promos and get, well... promoted!? It's not like I can just magically hold all the knowledge from the past 8 months and use in as I sit in the giant hall with the rest of the 600 odd candidates, right? Ugh. It really is qutie scary, the timeframe, the deadlines. (3)

Wouldn't be so easy to just get away from it? Sleep forever and forget the stress. Bring myself to the heavenly bodies above our heads and leave it all behind... (4) Nah. (5)

I should get started. Like, really. Open my books and notes, change the batteries in my graphic calculator, and crank my brain's knobs to the study channel. Pick up the pens and put them to paper, then pick up the paper and study. Mug. Revise. Whatever. (6)

Yet instead I am posting my thoughts on the net. (7)

I'm going to start revision. After all, JC is all about consisten effort, and continuous studying. And I so need to catch up if I want to get to where I'm supposed to be. So I shall start. Start hitting the books, abusing them violently till my mind is filled with the appropriate formulae, the absolute facts, the analytical answers...(8)

Tomorrow! (9)

-2242, 15-9-09 (10)

Chicken Soup

2009-09-13T06:01:00.000-07:00

[chee-kean soooooooooooooooooop]
noun

-1. Warm, flavoured water with an amount of chicken inside, usually served for meals. Scalds tongue if swallowed too quickly. Also, apart from chicken, may include other ingredients not limited to salt, pepper and garden vegetables.

-2. A potpourri of creative passages, proses and poems by authors from around the world, illustrious or not, pertaining to imaginative ideas, real life experiences and with the intention of telling those in trouble, those feeling down, those feeling like life isn't worth it, that life is worth it, and that in any troubles, we are not alone. Also, apart from stories and poetry, may include other forms of creativity expressed in means not limited to photography and captioned drawings.

Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul II

A delightful read that some may choose to finish in a sitting. However, if one lacks the time, one may simply take the book bit by bit, reading through the different stories from the different segments at a time, without neceesarily being in order, as some portions of the book may prove only entertaining, and not meaningful, at the point in time.

I've found a lot of good quotes from this book. A lot of new perspectives, and different ways to compare different things. Take for example, how best friends are so different, yet are part of a set, for oh 'how can there be pepper without salt; the sun without the moon?'

Or perhaps, how hope can be found despite the proclamation by the best doctors that there is none, simply becuase doctors may be able to put metal in our bodies, and sew us back up, yet none of them can even create a blade of grass.

Or how a family is not a group of people related by blood, but a group experience of love.

Or how it is the misfits who are shunned at youth, yet grow up to be the ones who bring the difference to the world because they are unique.

Or how perfection is sought, when everyone is already perfect.

Or how the many other different sentences and meaningful teachings changed the lives of many different people during their youths.

It is really an amazing book to have hold in your hands.

-2116, 13-9-09

A Little Less

2009-09-11T17:32:00.000-07:00

I've been going through the archives again, after reading a short snippet from a single story in a book that referred to photos as memories. I realised then I wanted to remember what life was like in my Secondary years. Apparently, it was all melacholy and I see so clearly now why people think I fit the emo, tormented soulful writer so perfectly.

I still deny I'm emo. But I don't deny that people are quick to fit me to the forementioned bill, because in all honesty, I was asking for it. In my defense, however, someone once mentioned that there is a very large difference between 'being depressed, and being a little less than happy' and I'm taking her word for it.

So a depressed, tormented, joyless poet, craving attention from his peers. It doesn't help that right now, I am dressed fully in black. It does help, though, that I am blogging like this, instead of how I used to. You don't need an example, do you? Just refer to the archives, anytime from around May 07 to July 09.

Right now, I'm not emo, nor depressed. Just a little less than happy.

Letter To Procrastination

2009-09-09T06:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Procrastination,

I would ask how you are, or what you've been up to, but I already know. Yet, do correct me if I am wrong. The past few days you have been biting my backside, making me irresponsible, lazy and perhaps less than a decent human being. Am I not wrong? After all, I go through day to day in a daze, thinking only about the next time I am going out with friends to catch a movie, blast out zombie's brains, or knock coloured balls into holes. And while I think about those things, I am on the computer, flipping through Chrome's tabs, that are of webcomics, blogs, facebook and YouTube. Again and again, I look at the same things, reading the same content and though I am bored to bits, you won't let me get off the computer and hit my notes.

Instead you tell me to keep thinking, and when you do let me off the internet, I end up playing Left 4 Dead by myself (pathetic), or Sims 3, making new sims and then just deleting them. Everything I do is by your hand, and because of your hand, I am going to pay the consequences. I mean, I know I can manage. Hell, I can survive on 4 hours of studying per week if I wanted. Yet, I barely clock in half an hour because of your extensive demands.

Remember, this morning, Mr. Procrastination? I finally found some time to do some chemistry, an simple worksheet that required 10 minutes of my time to finish. What happened next? You ordered me to slave away at the computer again for 10 hours. How is this fair?

Mr. Procrastination, I need to take a break from you. You have been a kind boss, I will admit. You take care of me and ensure that my interests are always put first, and you make sure that whatever I am forced to do by your hand quenches my interest. But you fail to realise! Oh when the thirst is quenched, it goes, then returns moments later in much greater magnitude. It becomes unbearable. Meanwhile, I am fully aware of the rotting of my brain, and the effects I will have to bear in time to come.

So, Mr. Procrastination, I regret to inform you that I have to quit. I will quit this job, and pursue my true self-interests for the time being. Perhaps I will return in December. Perhaps not. Only time can tell, Mr. Procrastination.

Yours,

Lin Kaiyang

- 2139, 9-9-09

Why is My Shirt Still Wet?

2009-09-08T08:43:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up at 7 am. Well, earlier, but I went back to sleep.

Anyhow, I was off to school for Inventio, the showcase of the group skills of the J1 DEP students. It was a scary task, since I only had 3 people for a job for 6 (including myself), out of which 1 turned up sick. Thankfully though, we had alumni, and we had help. We ended up with a force of five by the time the show started, just enough to get things done.

The main show started off on a serious note with the piece Begging For Fortune (affectionately known as BFF), discussing the issues of Chinese women throughout the country's vast history. It then proceeded to a novel retold, the Wizard of Oz, combining dynamic movement and dance scenes with a touch of contemporary style, making the audience cheer each time a character started to dance. The final piece, however, Slice of Heaven, was arguably the piece that gave the audience a night to remember. Throughout the whole length, the audience was kept laughing with witty remarks, humorous actions, effective over-dramatic acting and a touch of realism to boot.

But the big question remains. After having been in an air-con room for clos to 7 out of 13 hours, and despite having been under the constant stream of a fan for the past hour, why is my shirt still wet?

-2350, 8-9-09

Chrono-Displacement

2009-09-06T08:32:00.000-07:00

The ability to bend reality through the space-time continium has always been one that many have fantasized about, thinking of all the good they could do, or all the bad misdeeds that can be carried out, with such power at their disposal.

Then what happens when it cannot be controlled, and that no matter how you look at it, the course of history cannot be changed?

Apparently, a great movie. A movie that touches with romance, forces empathy with its characters, who can potray their feelings towards supernatural events as we do to normal ones in reality, and for some reason seems so believable.

-2338, 6-9-09

Mourning a Loss

2009-09-05T23:40:00.001-07:00

Today my Left 4 Dead program died. I can't use it on the c omputer anymore, which is really quite saddening. After all, it is the activity for which roughly 25% of my time goes to.

So right now, it keeps closing whenever I open it, saying that there is a problem, which I can somehow predict has something to do with my graphics card. The starnge thing is, there was never this problem before, and my graphics card is still in pretty neat condition, so I have no idea why "L4d.exe has stopped working", and am pretty pissed with having to wait for "microsoft to find a solution". I just want to play.

I can't play online anymore, so it seems now I can only go the LAN gaming centres to have a hand at blasting zombies, or find a way to fix this problem right now.

Perhaps I should have seen it coming. After all, the version I have isn't what somebody would call original.

Perhaps I just need to reinstall and re-update, re-patch, and re-customize everything.

Which would be a pain. A very big pain.

Till then, the zombie apocalypse in Pensylvannia grows by the minute, and I don't get to be part of the special ones sticking out tongues, unleashing loads of vomit or lunging through the air, laughing as I see the magical number of 25 appear upon impact with my victims.

-1445, 6-9-09

Post-Teacher's Day

2009-09-02T07:41:00.001-07:00

So right now I'm making Teacher's Day cards on behalf of the class.

It would've been nice to be given a few days notice, but no, I get it thrust unto me to be completed by tomorrow. So with little time, I can produce more than just substandard work. All it takes is a little thinking.

But it's still far from perfect. Far from good, even. All there is are a few witty lines filled with sattire found only in classroom situations.

And how cool is it that out of 8 pieces, my printer managed to screw up 4 cards? I need to make 5! Oh joy. Thankfully, one of the teacher's I'm making them for takes us for two subjects, so now I just need to think up of about 10 more witty lines (goodbye sleep tonight!) and I'm good to go. Herein, then, lies the problem of writing out the witty lines.

See at first I was going to do ransom note-like font. My sis said it would be a pain. It didn't take very long for me to see why. So am I just going to write it out now? It would be a real pain, since 1) I have no marker 2) I tend to write things wrongly 3) I cancel out the things I write wrongly. Hey, live and try? I don't know. All I know is that they need to be done, and I'm just here thinking how.

EDIT: FUCK THE LAST PIECE OF PAPER JUST GOT RUINED.

-2245, 2-9-09

I Used to Rack My Brain for Titles. Then I Stopped Including Them. Now...

2009-09-01T07:03:00.000-07:00

I've looked through my archives. Since I was in Secondary two/three, I have changed a lot. I used to blog, and leave hidden messages, if you will, or at the very least something that a person would have to read through a little, think about, then understand it. Now, I just leave nearly undecipherable messages that few get. It's strange to see how the gamer lingo I've come to know and love like the back of my hand (I love the back of my hand like no other, and even more so than the grip of my hand) has left my writing. How my vocabulary has expanded drastically. But also how, most importantly, my logic is so circular and meaningless now. I hardly know what I'm typing half the time. I don't give explanations, elaborations, or even clues as to the thoughts running around freely in my head as I do type out each sentence after the next.

But then again, back then, I only had to problem of boredom to contend with.

And in today's new age, I have to deal with boredem, a slice of self-pity, a bowl full of responsibilities, a tiresome one-way romance, and a hell lot of unused brain power.

It's no wonder my clarity of thought is as clouded as it is. Yet, this should be an outlet for my frustrations, should it not? So why am I still hiding behind the anonymity this blog presents, when this blog is already anonymous?

No, let me rephrase.

Why am I making no sense, seeming to be annoyingly profound with meaningless, nonsensical phrases, musings and aphorisms, when this blog already provides me with outlets of anonymity that protects my self-interests and ensure I don't get into more trouble?

I think the answer lies further in my head, deep down where my dreams are made.

I have been having very strange dreams over the past few months.

So for now, I think I'll have to dream up an answer.

p.s: holy wall of text.

1211, 1-9-09

2009-08-31T08:29:00.000-07:00

So.

I have school tomorrow.

I am randomly typing words into YouTube's search box to find songs that I might enjoy listening to, just for the sake of doing so.

I need to buy paint and other related materials.

I am not trying hard enough, although refusing to do so would mean my downfall, along with the unvoluntary downfall of everyone else in this club.

I am with a heart acting as a potpourri of emotions as the new cooks keep spoiling me.

I am annoyed by this song that keeps playing and stopping since it can't load fast enough.

I am thinking about myself.

I am thinking about the past five years.

I am thinking about the chances I threw.

I am thinking about the chances I'll have.

I am thinking.

P.S. Either I start mugging, or make everyone stop.

-2332 31-8-09

2009-08-27T06:58:00.001-07:00

Time to make this more a blog, and less of a random collection of aphorisms, sayings, and circular, secular logic.

But as my favourite goes,

"starting tomorrow"

-2159, 27-8-09

2009-08-26T08:59:00.001-07:00

Just a minute to midnight.

-2359, 26-8-09

2009-08-23T01:28:00.000-07:00

Why did I run for that position?

Leadership isn't for me.

But now, without me, all our productions will fall to bits and pieces. Unglamorous bits and pieces.

So I have so much weight on my shoulders, with no strength to act on it.

I am so screwed.

-1629, 22-8-09

2009-08-21T08:44:00.000-07:00

Up.

-2347, 21-8-09